Alice Little- on Communication, Isolation and the Death of Social Skills
Alice Little is a Sex Entrepreneur and Relationship Expert. She is the United States’ most successful legal sex worker, working at the famous Moonlight Bunny Ranch near Reno, Nevada. Alice is a co-founder of the Hookers for Healthcare movement and is an advocate of sex positivity and women’s rights. Alice spoke with Steve Sims of, “The Art of Making Things Happen Podcast” about communication, relating with others and how society affects our ability to connect; both sexually and otherwise.
Connecting in a Heartbeat
Alice’s line of work requires quick judgments while reading a client’s attitude, behavior and their needs.
“Treat people the way that they want to be treated, not the way that you want to be treated.” Ms Little states. She goes on to further explain the need for digging deeper to find aspects of the person’s personality and what makes them feel comfortable. All this happens within the first few seconds of meeting someone at the Bunny Ranch. Non-verbal communication is paramount in this setting, e.g. being aware of closed vs open body language. It’s all clues into the client’s mind.
Sex Work is Not all Sex
Alice’s first conversation with a client is not about sex, but is a series of casual open questions and actions designed to allow the client to relax while letting Alice get to know them.
“I’ll ask them some very basic questions. How was your trip? What was the experience like for you getting to the ranch?… If I take somebody’s hand, did they feel comfortable placing their fingers in with mine? Are they giving my hand a gentle squeeze back?”
These features of non-verbal communication are a fundamental aspect of the way we interact with each other. “This is nothing to do with sex.” Alice reiterates.
While Alice views sex as “common”, she sees the ability to carry out genuine, quality conversations as a rare commodity that requires developed skills.
As a sex worker, Alice takes on many roles. She explains how she teaches people to build intimate relationships with themselves, their partners and also with herself. For this reason, her work expands beyond sex.
“I wear the hat of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, girlfriend, lover… in order for me to do my job in the way that I feel like it should be done, I really have to be all of those things.”
Limitations on Communication
Alice goes on to discuss the ways society limit our interactions. As automation takes hold, human interaction is replaced by machines and screens.
“We don’t have the opportunity to work on our social skills. Instead, we become isolated by society itself and it creates many of the issues that I see translate over to the bedroom. We don’t know how to communicate. We don’t know how to listen. We don’t know how to ask questions… If we’re willing to just put the damn cell phone down and look up, see the person on the other side of this screen and interact”
Regaining Connection
The act of going out in public is a chance for Alice to connect with others. When seeing a stranger, she creates a background story for them in her mind. Conjuring up details of their life, Alice tests her hypothesis by striking up a conversation.
It’s not as easy as just walking up to someone though, Alice advises. Being aware of the context in which you will be read is important.
“You have to be available. You have to show up. It’s the very first step.”
Alice’s advice to you? A daily challenge to connect with others.
“find out five facts about the people that are closest to you that you otherwise would not have found out. Be it their favorite color, favorite restaurant, just something. Anything. Make the effort.”
To hear more from Alice Little…
Website: The Alice Little
Twitter: https://twitter.com/thealicelittle?lang=en
To listen to this podcast: Alice Little
To subscribe to Steve Sims, “The Art of Making Things Happen — Podcast”
